


Don't Leave

by tommysinful



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, M/M, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 06:43:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4736453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommysinful/pseuds/tommysinful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is sad and Louis can't figure out why. Then he finds Harry in a tub of red water and his life comes crashing down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Leave

For three months he’d been wracking his brain as to what had gone wrong, what he had done to upset and push away the love of his life. For three months Harry was shrinking, not physically, but away from Louis. He wouldn’t smile anymore, they hadn’t had sex, he looked so down all the time and as much as Louis tried to get him out of this “funk” nothing seemed to work.

He feared for Harry. The boy he had fallen for-more like plummeted for-wasn’t there anymore. They’d been together for three blissful years but now, he wasn’t with Harry anymore. The Harry he had fallen in love with over cups of too sweet coffee and cuddles reading Oscar Wilde and the pathetic excuse of an apartment they shared wasn’t there.

He met Harry his final year of university, Harry was the bright faced, dimple cheeked boy two years younger than him who was a friend to everyone and a photography major. They met through mutual friends-the brooding yet ridiculous wannabe starving artist known as Zayn-and from then on it was the two of them. They were inseparable even before they started dating, quickly becoming more than friends within a few months of knowing each other and the rest was history.

Louis graduated and became a teaching aide in the local high school for drama and English while Harry finished his degree and worked for a nature magazine. The two worked seamlessly together like it had been written in the stars, if you asked Louis he said it was.

But then Harry’s mother died two years into their relationship. Louis was there for him and never before had he wanted to trade places with someone so bad. He watched as Harry sunk down into a deep depression, he began to drink heavily and more than once Louis found small baggies that he definitely knew were coke in their home.

He confronted Harry about it and soon he was clean, didn’t touch a drop of alcohol after the rehab and nearly losing his job but Louis stood by his side to help him through such a difficult time. Harry’s mother was all he had really, his sister was off gallivanting in the states doing god only knows, he hadn’t spoken to her in years and all he had was his severely loving mother.

She died in a freak train wreck along with twenty other people and when Louis watched Harry get the news over the phone, the receiver crashing onto the floor, some of the light in those mesmerizing green orbs disappeared. Louis was holding his hand the entire time, every time he cried, every time he threw up from the crying and every time he couldn’t get out of bed to even wash himself.

Louis was there for all of it. He was Harry’s new rock. The only thing the younger lad had to hold onto.

But something had changed afterwards. Harry seemed a bit more restrained than he normally was; he looked to be calculative over Louis even when he thought the older wasn’t paying attention. He noticed how Harry would look at him now, like he was confused or bewildered by his presence. Whenever Louis asked him “what?” the curly haired one would giggle and shake his head saying ‘’nothing’’ and go about his business.

After a while, the rehab over and done with, Harry started to act relatively normal again. He’d smile easier, would make those ridiculously stupid jokes that only Louis really appreciated and it seemed he was finally moving on from his mother’s death. Louis thought the worst was over but he was wrong. He was so wrong.

Harry had become to perpetuate this constant sadness even when he was smiling, it never reached his eyes anymore, and he’d put on this brave front and pretend everything was okay but Louis could see right through that. He figured Zayn could as well but being Zayn he never said anything. What terrified Louis was one night in bed, the two of them not touching-Harry was more than cold now towards his boyfriend-and as Louis leaned down to kiss him he heard Harry ask a question.

“What do you think it’s like?” He pondered into the dark. Louis had just gotten his head onto the pillow and even though every nerve and muscle was screaming to reach out and pull Harry into his embrace, he didn’t. Harry didn’t want to be touched anymore. He only allowed the random kiss and sometimes it was the one before bed Louis was allowed to have.

“What’s what like love?” Louis asked softly. Harry didn’t speak much anymore and when the opportunity arose he reveled in it, wanted to keep him talking for as long as he possibly could because without Harry’s deep rumbly voice, the apartment seemed so very vast and empty.

“Dying. What do you think it’s like?”

Louis bit his lip in the dark watching the profile of Harry’s face. He seemed to be in deep thought and made it known with the furrowing of his eyebrows. Louis wasn’t sure where this conversation or questioning had come from and it scared him to no end. He didn’t like Harry talking about death.

“Um, I’m not sure love. I think it’d be like going to sleep maybe? You’re awake one minute and the next well…you’re not.” He shrugged under the sheet and watched Harry’s face make a contemplative gesture.

“Do you think it hurts?” He asked quietly again, his body still and statuesque.

“Depends on what happened but I don’t think the actual part of dying hurts, no.”

“Okay.”

They stayed silent for moments. Louis knew Harry wasn’t asleep. His eyes were wide open and he remained motionless.

“Harry?” He asked timidly, not daring to try and break the crystal like fragility of the moment.

“Mm?”

“I love you.” He said it almost like a question. Like maybe it wasn’t what he was supposed to say but that’s the only thing he could think of. Right now he was petrified at the small conversation staining the bed now. Harry seemed so open to the idea of death, almost whimsical sounding.

Harry turned his head and even in the dark Louis could see the faint smirk on his face, “I know. G’night Lou.”

Harry turned over and Louis was left to look at nothing but his broad shoulders and back half hidden by the sheet.

Louis stayed awake for hours just watching his back move, the up and down of his breathing until he was certain his younger lover was completely asleep. He needed Harry right now. Needed him. His everything was pulling away at an alarming rate and he was petrified of what Harry was implying by his last words. Subtlety he moved over and wrapped his arm around Harry’s waist, he felt the man tense slightly but let out a soft sigh in his slumber. He kept his head raised to watch Harry’s face make a slight expression of pain and anguish to relax into peace.

“I love you Harry. Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave.” He whispered into his skin as he lightly let his lips work across Harry’s shoulders and back. Harry was his everything, he wanted nothing more than the solid figure finally-they hadn’t cuddled in weeks-now in his embrace.

“Please Harry, I’m here. Don’t you go anywhere. Louis’ always here.” He started to tear up because he could feel, even in his sleep, Harry pulling away from him. He wanted to be there, make it all better, kiss his boo boos away and give Harry the life he truly deserved. Harry deserved nothing but the best in Louis tried his hardest to provide that for him.

“I’ll always love you Harry. No matter what.” He placed one last kiss to his cheek and settled behind him, the curls half way across his face and he inhaled the scent of his adored boyfriend and he slightly trembled, afraid of what Harry meant. Afraid of what Harry would do.

Afraid that Harry would leave.

XXXX

The next day all Louis could think of was Harry. Any normal day his mind was of course on his cherub faced boyfriend but now, he couldn’t even get through half a class without having to go outside and get some air.

Louis was having a panic attack.

The third time it happened he was told to go home, he was in no fit state to teach the younger students today and he explained what was going on to his supervisors and they all took a bit of sympathy towards him. Usually he’d hate the pity but Harry was constantly in the forefront of his mind and today he couldn’t concentrate.

He called Zayn.

“Yo Lou, what’s up mate?”

“Um Zee?” He never called Zayn other than if he was in trouble, “Could you maybe give me a ride home? I really can’t drive right now.”

“Lou, you alright? You sound manic love.” Zayn’s honey voice came through the cell and he was on the verge of breaking down.

“No I’m not. It’s Harry, Zee. He’s…I don’t know, he’s just not my Hazza anymore and I’m freaking out.”

“Okay, okay. Calm down, I’ll be there in twenty. Harry took the day off so when you get home you talk to him alright?”

“He took the day off?” Louis asked dumbfounded. Harry never requested days off and usually if he did, he’d force Louis to do the same, their own personal holiday that wasn’t.

“Uh yeah, he called the office today saying he wouldn’t come in.” Zayn sounded a bit confused.

“Oh, okay. But yes please, if it isn’t too much trouble. I just need to get home to see him.”

The line went dead. Zayn was there in half the time he said he would.

Louis could finally breathe a small sigh of relief when he entered the familiar car, it smelled of smoke and vanilla and Zayn was his peaceful state in this strange time of need.

“So what’s got you so worked up?” He asked, flicking his hazel eyes back from the road to Louis’ face scrunched in discomfort.

“I’m worried. Harry’s not been himself and he was asking about how it’s like to die and…Zayn I’m really fucking scared!” Louis broke down in tears because he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He sobbed loudly as the engine rumbled on, Zayn didn’t offer any sympathy because he knew Louis well enough to just let him cry.

His random outburst through tears and screeched sobs echoed in the steel, “I’m so scared!”

“What if I lose him!”

“Zayn I-I can’t go on without him!”

“Fuck! What can I do to save the man I love!?”

All those questions Zayn couldn’t answer making the half hour journey back to the shared apartment he’d visited quite frequently.

Once they pulled up he turned the car off and let Louis cry for about ten more minutes before he said something, “Louis, look at me.”

Big blue eyes that were bloodshot and puffy met his gaze.

“Harry loves you. He’s head over heels for you. All you can do is be there for him, like you’ve been doing for the last three years. You and him are meant to be, I see it in the way you both look at each other. Go in there and just be. That’s what he needs. I know Harry, maybe even a bit better than you since I’ve known him much longer, he needs you to just be there okay babe?”

“Zayn, I’ve done that. You know I have! I’ve done everything I can and yet he still pulls away from me! I can’t even kiss him anymore! Fuck Zayn! I just want to kiss him but he won’t let me! What did I do?!” He wailed and threw his head back into the seat and every scenario passed through his head.

Harry wasn’t in love with him anymore. Maybe Louis wasn’t what Harry wanted anymore.

“Louis, LOUIS! Calm down love. You can’t go in there in hysterics. He shuts down at that, you know this. Just go in there with a clear head and tell him from your heart. You’ll be fine. Harry gets into these slumps sometimes. And if I know Harry, which I do, you’ll pull him out.” He left a kiss to Louis’ forehead.

He sniffled, “Thanks Zee, seriously. Yeah, just gonna talk to him.”

“There’s a good lad. You call me if you need help or something.”

XXXX

When Louis walked into the apartment it was silent. Deadly silent. Not a single thing that could or should make noise did.

The living room was empty, television still cold so he must not have watched anything. He checked their bedroom and the bed was still messy from when he’d left it this morning. The kitchen didn’t even look like it had been altered with from his eggs on toast prepared by none other than Harry himself.

He thought that maybe Harry had taken one of those “hooky” days and decided to not go into work and do whatever he wanted, Louis had done it plenty of times, but he noticed that Harry’s keys were still on the hook. His favorite coat-the one Louis bought him on their first anniversary-was still hanging up. Harry still had to be in the apartment.

He made his way to the bathroom, the door closed. He knocked softly, “Harry?”

He didn’t hear anything. He figured Harry must be in there because this door was always kept open, he knocked louder, “Harry?”

He heard some water slosh, not very loud but enough to know there was movement.

He gripped the handle and felt it turn in his grip and entering he was met with the smell of steam and something metallic?

He opened the door wider to see Harry in the tub, the water near his chin but also this water was red.

“HARRY!” He cried out rushing to the tub and gripped Harry’s lifeless form in his arms. Harry was so gangly and heavy normally but now it was just dead weight, he saw the matching slices up his beautiful arms and saw that is where the blood had been pouring out.

“Harry, baby come on! No! Not like this!” He cried as he desperately tried to pull Harry from the tub but he was so heavy and Louis wasn’t that strong.

“Lou?” He heard his distant voice come out as his pale legs finally came over the tub and he was left in a sopping wet heap in Louis’ arms.

“Yes Harry, baby it’s me. What’re you doing love? Come on, don’t leave me, not like this. I’m here for you. Always Harry, always!” Louis started to cry again feeling the wetness of Harry seep into his jeans and his already pale skin look even paler. His lips were practically blue and he hated himself for talking to Zayn because if he hadn’t…he could’ve been here sooner.

“Harry, HARRY! What are you doing!?” He cried out and saw the blood still pouring from Harry's wrists. He grabbed the towel hanging on the rack and brought both of the thin joints in between his hands.

“No Harry, you don’t get to leave like this. You’re my Hazza and you don’t get to leave like this.”

“M’tired Lou.” He heard Harry’s say, deep and sleepy and he knew he had to keep him awake. Had to stop the bleeding and keep him coherent.

“I know you are baby, but you can’t go now. We’re supposed to grow old remember? All the times we’ve talked about it? You and me with loads of grandbabies, Harry I can’t have that with anyone but you. Harry why did you do this. Harry why?” He was in hysterics watching the once normal, innocent blue cotton be stained a sickly red.

“Cause I’m not what you deserve.” He muttered out. His voice was low and sullen and almost a whisper.

“Harry! You’re everything I deserve! You’re everything I’ve ever wanted! Harry please! Don’t go, please don’t go! Not like this! Harry please!” Louis begged into his chest. He wasted too much time.

He quickly pulled out his damp phone and pressed speed dial, his number two, Harry was number one, it answered within two rings, “Hey Lou, forget something?”

“ZAYN! HELP! GET HERE NOW! HARRY’S TRIED TO…OH GOD HE’S TRIED….GET HERE!” He hung up the phone because everything that mattered to him was tiptoeing the balance between life and death right now. His Harry was dying in his arms and this was not how it was supposed to happen.

“You called Zayn.” Harry murmured out and gave a soft smirk, the towel across his wrists completely soaked in his blood.

“Of course I did. Who else was I to call? Stop talking love, save your strength.” Louis cooed to him. Keep him awake and keep him alive was his only priority.

“I love you Lou. This isn’t-is-isn’t your fault. I just can’t be-be what you need.” Harry stuttered out. His voice low and sleepy.

“Harry, you’re everything I ever need. Why would you think that different? Harry I love you so much, baby I love you so much!” He let his wails go about the small bathroom as Harry became colder in his arms.

“Cause I’m not good for you Lou. You need to-to go on. You’ll forget about me. Promise you’ll forget about me.” Harry tried in his sternest of voices but even now, him bleeding out, it would never work on Louis. Never on Louis.

“NO! Harry! HARRY! You’re my everything! You can’t leave, not like this! I can’t just forget! Harry, you’ve made these last three years the best of my life and I just can’t forget that. Harry, I love you. I can’t live without you. I can’t have you leave me here in our home, us baby, all of what we built. Harry you can’t go!” He cried out, his eyes and words were muddled with tears, he saw Harry give a smirk then close his eyes.

“HARRY! HARRY PLEASE BABY NO T LIKE THIS!” He wailed holding the much larger man in his arms that seemed absolute dead weight. The water stained red was dripping off of Harry’s frame, his boxers stuck to him and bunched around his thighs, Louis was drenched with Harry’s icy feeling skin splayed out on the tiles.

“Gonna say hi to me mum Lou.” Harry’s voice was light and almost a bit hallucinogenic.

“You come back. YOU COME BACK HARRY!” Louis yelled into his slack face.

Then the door burst open, in came Zayn flanked by two medics, one with short brown hair and the other with blond.

“Excuse me sir, we need to get him on the stretcher.” The dark eyed one said.

“SAVE HIM PLEASE! PLEASE FUCKING SAVE MY HARRY!” Louis screamed as he watched his one and only be put up onto the stretcher, an oxygen tube in his nose and clamps around his wrists.

“What is that? What are you DOING TO HIM!?” Louis bellowed out as Harry was being wheeled out of the flat, the blond one spoke up, his Irish accent coming through, “We’re stopping the bleeding sir. The pressure you put on him was enough to stabilize but now we have to make sure that they won’t rupture. You did good saving your friend.”

“Boyfriend. That’s-that’s my boyfriend.” Louis hiccupped out as Zayn kept a steel grip around him.

“LET ME GO! I NEED TO BE WITH HIM!” Louis cried out trying and fighting his way to Harry’s limp form on the stretcher. He screamed. He cried. He damn near made everyone in the vicinity go deaf from his voice, that was his Harry and he wasn’t about to let go without a fight.

The two medics rushed from the apartment and shut the door behind them with Harry pale and lifeless on the sheet. Louis began to try and run after him with his soaking wet jeans that smelled of blood and death.

“Let me go Zayn! I need to be with him!” He struggled but even then he couldn’t fight Zayn’s grip, “Shhh babe, they have him now. They can’t have you there in the way. We can go once he’s stable.” His soothing voice did in fact make Louis calm down but not by much.

“Zayn! ZAYN! My baby! Oh god! MY HAZZA! I can’t-I don’t!” He collapsed in Zayn’s thin arms and fell to the floor. He screamed into the other man’s chest as he held no knowledge of his boyfriend, the love of his life, and where it hung in the balance.

“Shhh Lou, he’ll be okay.” Zayn tried to comfort him.

“NO!” Louis ripped from the embrace and stalked his way into the kitchen. First thing he grabbed was the largest knife from the cutting block, it was sharp and easily used to cut through anything since neither one of them cooked something that would be needed for the use.

“Lou? Babe? Come on, Harry wouldn’t want this.” Zayn tried to plead.

“He could already be dead! Zayn I can’t live without him!” The knife placed in the center of his chest began to tremble.

“Why wasn’t I enough?” He asked to no one in the room.

“Lou.” Zayn warned and he just ignored it.

“Zayn, I love him. For fucks sake I love that bastard. He’s everything! EVERYTHING!” Louis pressed harder and felt the warm bubble of blood erupt from his chest. He was pressing basically straight into his sternum so he couldn’t get much farther than the muscle and end up with the tip of the knife in bone but it was enough.

The blood started to leak down his front and Zayn’s eyes widened watching his friend begin to carve himself open, he sprang forward trying to wrestle the knife away.

“LOU LET IT GO! STOP THIS!” He screamed as he tackled the smaller man to the ground who was soaking wet and covered in not only his blood but also Harry’s.

“ZAYN LET ME GO!” He was in hysterics. His voice was shrill and made the glass shutter in the cupboards. The room seemed to reverberate every sound and echo of the man’s cries.

“Louis! STOP! He wouldn’t want you to do this!” Zayn yelled with his hand firmly around the hilt of the knife, the blade had only sunk half an inch deep into Louis’ chest and Zayn pulled it away from Louis’ chest and tossed it behind him where it clattered loud on the floor.

Louis crumpled to the ground and his chest heaved and bled and Zayn placed his hand over the small stab wound making his friend hiss at the contact.

“Louis, you can’t do this. Harry will be fine and so will you. You saved him, if you didn’t come home when you did…” He trailed off as Louis began to quiet and sniffled on the floor in the fetal position.

“Zayn, I can’t lose him.” He whispered out.

“You’re not going to. Now come on, let’s clean you up so that we can go to the hospital.”

“I can’t go back in there. I just, I can’t Zee.” His voice got higher and his face scrunched and a fresh wave of tears came. He couldn’t go back in that bathroom, the floor and tub coated in Harry’s diluted blood. He didn’t even want to look at this apartment anymore, it was tainted and darkened by his boyfriend’s suicide attempt.

He kept repeating attempt in his head to calm himself down, Harry was going to be fine. He just had to believe that he would be okay.

“Of course. Then we’ll go to mine. Here,” he stood up and exited the kitchen but soon came back with a small towel and pressed it to Louis’ wound that was beginning to halt the bleeding, “you come out here so I can see you.”

He lifted Louis off the ground and kicked the slightly bloodied knife away and placed him on the couch that faced the hallway, “Now I’m going to pack you a bag, you’re staying with me for a while. I’ll get the bathroom tidied.”

Louis only nodded and watched his friend begin what he said he would do. His blue eyes watched Zayn go back and forth between the bathroom-he heard the tub drain of water, made this weird clinking sound every time-then he watched Zayn bag up what he presumed were the towels used to dry the place.

Soon the heavy aroma of bleach was in his nostrils and the bathroom light shut off and the door was closed.

“You okay love?” Zayn asked to his friend. Louis could see the sheen of sweat on his forehead from cleaning and his eyes were red and puffy, Louis figured he cried a bit as he cleaned but would blame it on the smell.

“Yeah, m’fine.”

Louis was sort of. But inside his mind was racing and his heart beat hadn’t calmed down at all. He saw death and it was taking away Harry. He saw how content the man looked in his arms and heard the faint content in his voice when he said he wasn’t what Louis deserved.

He had no idea what he meant by that and it broke his heart to think that Harry honestly thought Louis deserved better, if anything he had the best. Harry was the best. He was kind and loving and just a good person. Louis let a couple tears slip out of his eyes thinking of him cold and lonely and lifeless on the stretcher and he needed to see him.

“Zayn?”

Zayn’s head popped out the door and he came jogging into the room holding a suitcase, “Yeah? You alright? What do you need?” He seemed a little frantic.

“I need to go see him.”

The younger man nodded and held his arm strong around Louis’ shoulder as the two left the apartment. Louis knew he’d never be back in there.

XXXX

Louis walked into the hospital room with Harry fast asleep. It took some coercion on his part to even be allowed into the ward but as he was the only family Harry had, they took pity on the exhausted looking eyes and tinted pink clothes he wore. He couldn’t even change or shower or anything until he saw Harry.

When he arrived at the hospital and he asked where he was he collapsed to the ground in sobs muttering “oh thank you, thank you” hearing that they did in fact save him. That Louis had gotten to him in just enough time so that he was inching towards the line of death but was pulled back.

Zayn couldn’t come in but with one giant embrace from his friend and some whispered words of encouragement, Louis wiped his eyes and made his way back through the chilly halls. His clothes were damp and he shivered at the chemically filled air that whooshed past him while being lead down the hall and into the ward where suicides and self harms were kept.

Harry looked deathly pale but his lips were a bit rosier and his curls were back to their normal dry and bouncy self, they were splayed around his head in a very strange fashion and Louis smiled softly cause he used to wake up to that all the time. His Harry all sleep worn and gravelly voiced and soft smirks.

Now he was in this damn hospital with bandages on his wrists, Louis walked in and eyed the culprit of Harry’s near death experience, hidden carefully away below the white gauze and tape. It covered half of Harry’s forearm on both sides and Louis wondered how long the cuts actually were. He was in such a panic to cover them he didn’t look.

Louis stood next to him and gently took Harry’s hand in his much smaller one, the skin was cool to the touch but it was soft and pliant as he always knew they would be, his mind was asking a million questions as to why he would try to take his own life. He knew it had something to do with Anne’s death but Louis never figured Harry to be the suicidal type. There had to be more to the story.

He leaned forward and brushed a few strands off Harry’s forehead, the younger leaned into the touch, then he kissed his forehead. The smooth skin against his lips and Harry still held the faint scent of blood on his skin. If he could, Louis would scrub him with anything possible to make that smell go away. Louis would always remember that smell.

“Stupid boy, why would you go and do something like that? When I love you so much. You don’t get to leave just yet Styles.” Louis whispered into his skin and left his lips to linger there. He felt Harry move slightly under him and as he pulled away, large green eyes fluttered open. His voice dry and crackly, “Lou?”

“Hi baby.” He smiled down to Harry’s face that turned into what looked like a disappointed scowl. Like he was ashamed.

“Hey,” lifting Harry’s face back up, “don’t go running away again. I’m here, I’ve always been here. Tell me what’s been going on, please Harry. Tell me why you wanted to leave.” He pleaded with him.

“Will you still love me, even after all of this?” Harry lifted up his wrists and winced at the pain.

Louis rolled his eyes, “I’m here aren’t I? I couldn’t stop loving you, even if you wanted me to. Now, you tell me what’s been going on. I want to hear everything.” Louis sat in the chair next to the bed and linked their fingers tighter as Harry began his internal battle and vocalized it to Louis.

He told him of how after his mother died, so had he. The only reason he didn’t was because of Louis. Louis had kept him afloat in the vast empty sea of despair and darkness. Louis saved him from doing it so many times because of his laugh or his cups of tea he’d bring Harry, his absolute patience and how he’d let Harry scream and cry into his chest.

Harry spoke of Louis and his actions like he had cured cancer or figured out the meaning to life, like he was a god amongst mortals on this world. Louis was floored by Harry’s description of him and he stayed silent while his wounded lover told his tale. He rubbed his one thumb mindlessly over the wrist and knuckles of Louis as he spoke. He’d something huff and smirk when he said something a little cheeky or funny but only to him about Louis.

“Basically the thing is Lou, after me mum had gone and you were already perfect anyway, you got even better. If I didn’t have you, I would’ve killed myself as soon as I heard the news. I know that’s rather dramatic but it’s true. I need someone to live for, I’ve always been like that.” He shrugged.

“Hazza, then why did you try to leave me? I’m here for you, always been, did you think I wasn’t?” Louis squeezed his hand and kissed his knuckle leaving his lips to linger on the pinkish skin.

“No Lou, s’not that. It’s uh, you deserve better than me. You don’t need to-“

“Harry Edward! How could you say that!” Louis screeched out with his eyes blown wide and Harry winced, “You’re my everything! You are all I ever wanted in a person, don’t you dare say that I deserve better when I already got the best!” His eyes teared up and he let his head fall forward and a few drops fell to sparkle onto the linoleum floor.

“Lou, I’m sorry, please don’t cry. I’ve made you cry too much. This is why you deserve better than me.”

“The only reason you’ve mad-made me cry was because I thought I had lost you-u-u.” Louis stuttered out and his breath went high and he began to hyperventilate.

“Come here. Come get in here now.” Harry steeled his voice cause he knew that the only thing that could calm Louis down from a fit of hysterics was Harry’s embrace and his presence. In these moments is when they both realized how much they relied on each other. Louis just nodded his head and continued crying as he tried to maneuver under Harry’s right arm where there were no tubes in his elbow.

He felt the thick bandage on his wrist and he whimpered softly thinking about how under it there was a way for Harry to not be here. That if he didn’t get into that bathroom soon enough, Harry wouldn’t be here in his arms. He’d be on a slab of metal in behind a door.

“Harry please don’t leave. Please don’t. I’m here, I’m always here for you. Whatever I need to do to keep you with me, I promise I’ll do it. Just please don’t leave.” He said into his broad chest and reveled in feeling it rise and fall like it was made just for Louis’ natural rhythm as well.

“I’m not going anywhere Lou.” He kissed the top of Louis’ head.

Louis squeezed Harry’s waist tighter and made him promise that he wouldn’t.

XXXX

After a few more tears, loads more of Harry’s confessions of why he did it-he had said he wanted to free Louis of him and his constant depression, let Louis move on, and Louis responded by kissing him so hard the heart beat monitor beeped into overdrive-a doctor came in to evaluate the situation.

Louis never left Harry’s side, much like he had done before in the past three years, and the two decided that Harry would in fact seek professional help to figure out what exactly was going on in Harry’s mind.

Three days later he was sent to a mental hospital a few hours away in Bristol and Louis had started making plans on finding a new place to live. Within a few weeks, Louis had moved into a brand new apartment that was actually a bit smaller than their previous one-Zayn and a moving crew did everything, Louis refused to even enter the building.

Louis’ life went on and so did Harry’s. They had bi-weekly visits and Louis noticed that Harry was coming back to himself like he was before Anne’s death. They diagnosed him with post traumatic stress disorder and slight bipolar disorder and set him on regular outpatient therapy sessions and also some trial medications.

It took seven months with Harry gone to have him back in a stable enough mental health that they decided he could go home. Louis picked him up of course and they didn’t get into the car for about ten minutes because they were both too preoccupied with bathing tongues and hungry lips to be bothered.

As they drove and Louis turned down a different street, Harry looked at him funny, “Lou? Where we going?”

Louis didn’t tell Harry about the new place. Wanted it to be a surprise. He covered Harry’s eyes with his hands and once finally stepping into the entranceway that lead into the living room with the tall windows he yelled, “Surprise!”

Harry smiled and asked what was going on. Louis told him they both needed a fresh start and that they could make new clean memories here. There was a moment of sadness where Louis grabbed Harry’s hand and let his thumb graze across the six inch scar that was identical on the other. Harry leaned down and kissed Louis softly, silently promising him, saying it was okay.

Later that night, Louis wrapped in Harry’s arms-his favorite place in the world-he dragged his fingertips up between the planes of Harry’s chest and down the line of his abs, “So Harry, I’m here. Always will be. I love you and I want you to promise me something.”

Harry pulled him in closer, “What’s that love?”

“You don’t ever try and leave again.”

“I promise Lou, never leaving again.”


End file.
